Drive, piss, dig, paste, raffle.

August 17, 2006 at 11:33 am | Posted in awkward conversations, family, fun at work, nonsense, random | 5 Comments

Fractured post, like my thoughts at the moment. I have to drive 500 miles tomorrow – gotta go the whole way to Wales for a 3 hour meeting, then home again afterwards. I’m so glad my job doesn’t usually involve travelling.


Current favourite thing to say to co-workers: Piss the fuck off.


When Linzi miscarried our second child, we bought a small tree in his memory. To my shame, it’s still sitting in its pot in the back garden, unplanted. To plant it, I have to dig the entire garden because the soil has gone so shite, and it’s the thought of the effort involved in this that’s put me off.

Now though, guilt and…well, um, just guilt really…has started seriously kicking my arse. I need to get a move-on. If I can make that small section of the garden decent for her birthday, well, that’s one minimum-cash-required-but-thoughtful-nonetheless gift done. Just two or three more and I’ll be sorted. Feedback welcome on gift suggestions. Cheers.


More inane lunchtime soup conversation, aka I don’t know what the fuck to say to people sometimes:

Me: Are you waiting to use the microwave?

Guy: Nah, go ahead. I’m just stirring mine. Slowly, cos I’m on company time, hahahahahahahahaaaa!

(My infant child makes better jokes)

Me: Heh heh. Yeah…um…make a good thick paste then.

(WTF am I saying? He’ll probably think I was making some sort of reference to jizz)

Guy: Yeah. Paste! Hahahahahahahahaa!


The people over at IT2M are holding a raffle-type-thing to raise funds for Autism. You should support this worthy cause, in spite of the fact that they kicked my arse about asking when my blog would appear on their hitlist. I got the answer you’d expect: “Since you had to ask, never. Now fuck off.” or words to that effect. Ah, bollocks…I was looking forward to getting the piss taken out of my standard Blogger template.

Anyway. That reminds me, have you ever read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time? It’s hilarious, and really well-written. Check it out.

Must work.



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  1. I also don’t know what to say to people sometimes.

    Piss the fuck off….is it okay if I use this? I love it.

  2. fal: I just hate that feeling of not knowing what to say. In sit-coms, awkward silences are always puntuated by some guy going “So…ummm…” or some such, whereas in reality, there’s usually just silence with a wee bit of tension thrown in for good measure.

    Feel free to use the piss the fuck off thing. Great, isn’t it?

  3. I’ve heard more than a few people recommend that book and I guess I’ll have to read it. As for not knowing what to say, I used to be like that too, but now I’m not afraid to make comments that are a bit more personal, because they’ll make for more interesting and less awkward conversation. you have to put yourself out there a bit, but it works.

  4. What I do in situations where I don’t know what to say is keep quiet. Silence really grates on peoples nerves 🙂

    Todays word verification puzzle is:

  5. beckie: most of the time I’m ok with chatting to people…but sometimes I just cannot be bothered. It’s a bit rude of me, but there it is!

    michael: I’m going to try this. I usually rush in with some random bollocks.

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