Do you readwalk?

September 27, 2006 at 10:38 pm | Posted in nonsense | 17 Comments

I’ve been getting the train to work a lot recently. When I’m able to stay awake, I read. Nothing unusual about that; millions do it every day.

Sometimes, though, if I’m particularly engrossed in a novel, I will keep reading it, even after I’ve left the train. It’s not uncommon to see me ambling down the road from the train station to my house, reading half-eyed so I can watch for traffic without losing track of the story.

Linzi thinks this makes me a mutant. I’ve told her I’m in a foreign country where nobody knows me, so what do I give a shit what people think?

She says sorry, Kav, only mutants read while walking in public.

I have other reasons too. What if that guy who gets on one stop after me, who shares the same two trains as me on my journey each morning and evening, who works where I work – what if he wanted to talk to me one day? What if we became friends, and then I had to commit to all sorts of shit that I can’t be arsed with: golf, beers with his wanker mates, birthdays, funerals.

Nah. Better to be engrossed in a book, or sleeping. Less hassle.

Or what if some amazingly sexy female was on the train one day? What if I wasn’t reading a book, and I happened to catch her eye? How would I divert my gaze without a novel to lose myself in? Before you know it, my irresistible magnetism would draw her to me, and she, being your classic femme fatale type, would come on to me and draw me into a wicked affair, thereby ruining my marriage and the life I’ve built up.

See? It’s much safer to be reading.

How about you? Do you readwalk? Or am I a total mutant? If enough of you tell me Linzi’s right, I might reconsider doing it.

I doubt it though.

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17 Comments »

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  1. i just worry that you’re gonna get hit by a car. Try Audio Books. Less dangerous. Might I suggest Harry Potter? The guy who reads it is amazing.

  2. Thanks for the recommendation duckie.

    Just so you won’t worry, I feel I need to let you know that I only read when walking on the pavement, next to quiet roads that end at the cul de sac where my house is. Even if I were to be hit by a car walking along here, they’re unlikely to be travelling much more than 20mph.

    So I keep telling myself.

  3. In London everyone seems to read the free papers on the train. Yesterday they had a page in which commuters had written adverts to other commuters they fancied – stuff like “To the blonde who catches the 13.15 to Waterloo and spilt coffee on my palmtop, let’s make a date.”
    It’s going to make life a living hell for charming lookers such as you and I.

  4. Mutant? For fuck’s sake, Kav. you’re hardly going to make a go of it against the likes of the X-Men when all you are is WalkieReadieBoy.

  5. what if you walk in dog shit or some other natural treat Mother Nature happens to scatter along your path? Either that or the faint possibility of crashing into midgets who aren’t looking where they’re going

  6. kieran: Must be Metro you’re talking about? I read that page yesterday while dropping off the kids at the pool. It makes me angry to think of these bastards wasting their time. Why don’t they just knock back a half-bottle of blue-label Smirnoff and try to chat up the object of their affections like everyone else does?

    TSL: The pen is mightier than the sword, they say. Well, continuing this theme, reading books is more powerful than Wolverine’s claw yokes. Don’t worry, I’ll protect you against the evil Doctor Illiteratus.

    Yours,
    WalkiereadieMAN.

    Anne-Marie: Luckily, I walk in big loping strides, so I’d be more likely to bound right over an unsuspecting midget. As for the dog shit, if I ever did walk into some, I would take a sample of the shit, extract the dog’s DNA, then spend my life looking for the dog. When I eventually found the horrible mutt, I would say “Hello. My name is Kavigo Montoya. You put shit on my shoes. Prepare to die.” Then I would be involved in a mad swordfight with a six-fingered dog and eventually I’d kill him, and my life, having been so consumed by the desire for revenge, would feel strange and hollow when it went be to the normal, non-revenge mode of living.

    I’m on lunchbreak. Can you tell?

  7. Meh. That should say “back to the normal, non-revenge mode of living.”

    Have you seen the fillum I just stole from?

  8. When she said you were a mutant she was referring to the fact that you use your webbed arms to fly while reading the book held in between your toes.

  9. I don’t walk-read because I drive to work. It would make it much more difficult. Although, I will admit to having seen people read magazines and newspapers while driving.

  10. I get pissed that I can’t read when I’m stuck in traffic – I read and walk sometimes too. I MUST have a book with me at all times. I MUST. It took restraint (and a threat) for me to leave my new novel in the car when I went to a wedding on Saturday.

    This doesn’t prove that you’re not a mutant though. It just proves that read-walking is not a mutant activity. Linzi’s the best judge here. (giggle)

  11. Princess Bride. Yesssss!

    I read and walk. Shamefully, I read while I’m at stoplights, too. Not all the time, just sometimes. I guess I’m a mutant, too.

    Signed-

    RedLightReader Girl

  12. I just did it Tuesday practicing a blog reading I was doing that night. In fact, I was talking OUT LOUD to try and get the cadence down.

  13. Read-walkers drive me nuts. It would never fly in Philly. Someone would take the book out of your hands and beat you with it.

  14. my friend crashed his car whilst driving and trying to read the personals section of a newspaper driving home after a night out at 5am….. he was lonely!

  15. Best never to make eye contact. I dinnae know what your trains are like but ours are full of weirdo’s and they all seem to want to talk to ME!

    As for readwalking, honey, you know me better than that by now. I have enough trouble just WALKING let alone reading at the same time.
    I bow to thee.

  16. I’d like to see what your x-men costume would be if you were WalkieReadieBoy.

  17. niolk: CQAW…good man. It’s a bastard trying to type with these webbed hands.

    fyrchk: Now that’s what I call living on the edge.

    jali: I got in trouble with Linzi before because we were going to visit friends and I asked her if it would be rude if I brought a book with me. She just stared at me, aghast, like a horrified character in a Dickens novel.

    summer: You win the prize. Please call to reception to pick it up.

    howard: I would’ve backed away from you slowly if I’d seen you.

    Debbie: I’ve been to Philly once, but I didn’t readwalk. I did, however, do the stupid tourist “Rocky running up the steps” thing.

    Tom: Jesus, he must’ve been really fucking lonely.

    Steph: That’s cos you’re gorgeous, silly. Weirdos are drawn to me for different reasons.

    duckie: I don’t know, but I imagine it would have lots of rough edges and would be made of old newspapers.


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