Awkward Conversations #3

October 27, 2006 at 10:39 pm | Posted in awkward conversations, moans, nonsense | 17 Comments

See update below.


“Kav, when are those *insert techy-sounding bit* reports due?”

“Um…three weeks ago.”

“What stage are you at with them?”

“Well, I’ve got three done. And. Ahem. Ten more to go.”

“Any chance you could get this wrapped up by the end of the month?” (Note: This was not a question.)

“Yeah, no problem. By Tuesday. Sound.”

Fuckity bastard cunt. Guess who’s working this weekend?


Home: I arrive home tonight to find that our night out (dinner/a film; the simple things, you know) has been shitcanned because we have no fucking money left. I was really looking forward to this because, well, it would have been good. It would’ve got us out of the feckin house. So bollocks to that too.


Last straw: our water heater’s broken. I was almost typing “our hot water heater’s broken” but that sounds cuntishly redundant, for obvious reasons.

We can’t even bath the kids. They’ll be stinking like knackers in no time. Might as well sell the fucking house and move into a caravan.

I had started to explain why the thing isn’t working, and then I remembered that I’m taking those classes to help me not be a boring cunt; suffice to say, it’s definitely broken.

Nae hot water. Nae night out. Working all weekend.

This, and I’ve hit a brick wall in my studying, the wall being that I haven’t an inkling about anything in the current, 134-page chapter in the 600-page volume which I must have learned by heart for the 9th of December. Not a fucking clue.

Fuck off to fuck. Friday evening, and this weekend’s already a write-off.

Have a good one.

Sunday update: After a wasted day at work (I went in to be productive – no phone calls/emails interrupting my flow, and all that – and instead spent the best part of two hours chatting to a couple of guys who were in to do their own stuff. Pah.), I took the boiler and the hot water tank apart last night, and reassembled them without finding the source of the problem.


When I woke this morning (at 5am instead of the usual 6 because the fact that we got an extra hour last night means nothing to wee Jack), delicious sexy scalding water abounded. Hooray.

The only this that pisses me off is that I know I didn’t do anything to fix it, so I still haven’t found the cause. It could stop working again at any time.

Feck it, there’s enough other shite to be worrying about at the moment.



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  1. oh darling, someone needs a HUG. and a good buddy who will pony up a loan.

    thinking fondly of you as I participate in Halloween weekend revels.

  2. stop your complaining ya wanker. Here’s whatcha do:

    Take the little lady and the kids to the car wash. While you’re going through, each of you hang a kid out the window (except during the jet-air-dry because that might blow them away). After that kids are clean and have cried themselves to sleep you go rob a liquor store for some cash and go have a nice diner. Leave the kids in the car ’cause they will need to let that clearcoat dry for at least 24 hours before they can come in contact with food.

    sorry to hear about your dimlema. if you lived closer I’d off up my facilities for your little ones. But not you. you can go fuck yerself ya bloody wanker.


  3. Oh, that sucks, big time. I mean, the having to work the weekend, the having no money, but the no hot water thing, too? That sucks big donkeys’ cocks. AND it had to break at the weekend, of course.

    As a seriously slack parent, I recommend wet wipes to you, my friend. We have hot water, but I can’t be arsed wrestling the sprog into a bath more than once a month. Wet wipes. I shit you not. Okay, the Spouse Sparrow bathes him, but it’s wet wipes if I have to do it.

  4. With your fine boyish good looks you can become a manwhore to raise enough cash for a bottle of beat the wife then you won’t care about your problems, hot water is for the weak, well unless you’re making tea then its very nice.

  5. I just climbed out of the shower.. I should probably have stayed in there less than 30 minutes but the walk from under the duvet to the bathroom, well ensuite, chilled my bones a little so I just stood there for ages enjoying the waterfall of cosy heat.

  6. michael: Fuck off. I’ve been at work for over three hours already.

  7. And I didn’t have a shower this morning.

    And I’ve already been tempted to tease one out at work, but I can’t even be arsed doing that.

  8. taihae: Fondly, you say? That’s like fondle, but with a y.

    duckie: Short-term solution. I can’t keep moving town every time I brutally murder someone. It’s getting exhausting.

    fat sparrow: The poor kids’ve been cleaned with nowt but wet wipes for nearly two days now. They need a proper feckin wash.

    old knudsen: I’d consider it, but I’d be a terrible manwhore. I’d get the girl to make me come and then I’d fuck off with her money.

  9. Here’s a little song I wrote
    Kav’s trying hard to stay afloat
    Life’s slurry
    Be crappy
    Hot water’s gone, his kids smell shite
    Can’t go to dinner at all tonight
    Life’s slurry
    Stay crappy.

    I have no fucking notion how that’s going to help, mind.

  10. Go steal some Vodka ya wuss.
    Desperate times call for desperate measures.

    Alcohol cures all my friend.

    You can even wash the kids bums with it. Might sting a bit, but they’ll be steralised.

  11. I was going to write condolences and tell you I could commiserate, since our water heater broke a while back too yadda yadda yadda

    …then I started reading your comments and I’m just too busy giggling to finish. Sorry.

  12. TSL: The words really fits the rhythm of the song. Nicely done.

    steph: I had beer and sex last night, so the weekend wasn’t completed wasted. Yay.

    high desert diva: Welcome to you. Yes, they’re a witty bunch, aren’t they. You should check them out.

  13. Yay! Hot water! It might have been a calcium problem, it might have been a carbon build-up on the burner, it might have been fear of being replaced, but either way, you jiggled that bitch, and you have hot water right now, which is good.

  14. FS: Bah. See today’s shit.

  15. Ironically, out cold water keeps cutting out (WTF?) in the bathroom, so I sort of feel your pain. Cold showers blow, but so do scalding ones when there is no reprieve.

    I’ll have my heater-fingers crossed for you.

  16. marika: Karma will redistribute the balance of hot to cold. Just wait and see.

  17. Fuck it, been there. No money. No beer. No water. No work done. No kids washed. Been there.

    What a major pain in the hole.

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