Help, bloggers

November 10, 2006 at 10:30 am | Posted in nonsense, random | 20 Comments

Ahem. Here’s what I want for Christmas, in order of priority:

32″ widescreen Sony Bravia LCD HD Ready TV.
Cost: £1000GBP/$1920USD/$2500AUD/€1490

X-Box 360.
Cost: £280GBP/$540USD/$700AUD/€420

Cost: £180GBP/$345USD/$450AUD/€270

60Gb portable music player.
Cost: £200GBP/$385USD/$500AUD/€300

However, what I will get for Christmas is this:

Anyway, the 30th of November is a momentous occasion, because, for the first time in roughly a year, I have some disposable income! £75 to be exact. Seventy five pounds is roughly equivalent to $140USD, $185AUD, or €111. A trifling sum, certainly, but I feel like Nelson Mandela must have felt the first time Winnie sucked him off. Ecstatic, and a bit out of breath.

I’m so overwhelmed that I don’t even know what to buy. Any suggestions?



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  1. Take your extraordinarily patient and loving wife out for a meal to a restaurant to make up for the gunk.

  2. I agree with Kim Ayres. Take the missus out. Maybe you’ll get sucked off for it.

  3. Christ. You guys are useless. I want GADGETS, not sex.

  4. Seriously, we’re going out at the end of the month anyway. This £75 is purely for me to spend as I see fit.

  5. Blow it on fast cars, loose women, and overseas property investment.

  6. I don’t see the “bad mother fucker” wallet on your list……

  7. I think you can get one of the new ipod shuffles for that. They’re so small they double as a tie-clip.

    Have a look on ebay, you might get something cheap on there. 😛

  8. You can get a new shuffle for 40 pounds. They hold around 250 in songs. I vote for the shuffle. Then. you have some money left over for songs, too!

  9. Skunk.
    Gadgets suck ass. It’s like the circle of desire, man. The like global control spider is like tapping into a materialistic aquisitiveness he has like created in your brain man.
    it’s not a bad time to be buying AVCs for your pension right now.

  10. whatever happened to wishing for peace on earth and good will toward men?

    Ha. fuckin with you.

    oh and screw y’all. Christmas isnt for AGES. and fuck CVS for playing christmas jingles already too. this is all a grand ploy to make my head EXPLODE. Don’t let them whip you into a consumer frenzy so damn early! you’re playing right into their hands!

  11. Fuck, $140?! You’re fucking rich, man. Go to the 99 Cent store, and go hog wild.

    Yeah, I’m a sad bastard, whatever. My main goal in life is to not have to shop with a budget at the 99 Cent store.

  12. It’s obvious ya twat. Buy your wife some hot arse shoes!!

  13. Get yourself a pocket pussy and cut out the middle woman, handy for the office or the bus or those times when you gob in the shower.

  14. Save it because your kid is about to break something that you will be required to replace.


    My first instinct is you should blow it on fast women or slow horses but, knowing you’re a gadet guy, can I suggest one of those blow up dolls which you can use either as a phlegm receptacle or as an auto-blow jobber for those occasions when you fix domestic appliances and the wife’s not in the mood. Actually, use it for both purposes, the phlegm’s probably a good lube…

  16. …gadget… damnit

  17. A jar of warm liver every day for a year

  18. A year’s supply of atropine. It will dry up phlegm and you’ll get yourself sucked off again.

  19. Some excellent suggestions, particularly the drug-related ones. However, this weekend we discovered that we don’t have any form of carbon monoxide detector near our boiler, which happens to be in Erin’s bedroom.

    Yes, my spare money’s going on CO detectors. In a roundabout way, you win the prize Cindy-lou.

  20. major shit one. but at least its gadgety

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