Tis the season…to stuff my face

December 21, 2006 at 10:27 am | Posted in christmas, family, random | 20 Comments

I was reading a thing about blogging there, and it says that bloggers will rarely read more than 400 words of an entry. Anyone writing longer entries that this will bore their readers. Fucking hell, you lot must be well bored of me then.

Anyway, it’s the shortest day of the year today, so I’d better make this quick. Boom-boom, thank you, I’m here all week.

Actually I’m not; this might be my last post for a bit. I’ve been working hard this week on my pre-Christmas plumpening (hounding into as many chocolates as possible from the vast amounts circulating at work), and I plan to be a good stone or so heavier by the time January rolls around. This will allow me to feel the self-loathing necessary to force me back to the gym to lose my well-earned December gut. And thanks, I know that’s self-destructive behaviour. I plan to stop living like this any year now.

I’m looking forward to the Christmas break. My heart hasn’t been in the blog for a while, and it’s come across in the posts, I think. I hate the idea of writing shite just for the sake of it; I’d rather wait until I had something worth saying.

But if you waited for that, you’d never get anything written! you say. Yeah, good one. It’s not to say I won’t be posting over Christmas, just that it’s likely I’ll be fairly sporadic. I still have a couple of the top five scary moments to write about, so that’s something, at least. And my family’s coming over tomorrow (for one night only, a mini pre-Christmas Christmas) and my best mate and his lady are coming over for new year’s eve, so I’m sure there’ll be one or two incidents worth documenting.

For the most part, I’ll be reacquainting myself with the PS2, playing with the kids, having sex, and eating enough to kill a horse. It’s going to be fucking brilliant.

Anyway, have a good Christmas, fellow bloggers. Do everything to excess.


A hasty post-script: I’m loathe to do this, but it’s too good not to share. If you’ve never tried that voluptuous filthbag Nigella Lawson’s recipe for ham cooked in Coca-cola, I urge you to do so. Had this for the first time last year and it is absolutely delicious.

Dang, there goes my “no memes or recipes on this blog” rule. Okay, definitely no memes.



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  1. I love Nigella and have had the ham recipe. It’s devine swine.

    Have a lovely break and I hope you and your family have a lovely Christmas.

  2. Ah. Have a good one. I won’t. I’ll probably email you and tell you all about it after a few glasses of cheap wine, and then you’ll be sorry!

    Seriously, though. Have the fucking best time fucking, etc. You’re great. ❤

  3. happy chrimbo Kav. We can set up our own self loathing fatties club in January – no skinny cunts need apply.

  4. Happy Christmas!! I’ll see you around …

    ((…through my binoculars on my routine stalking sessions…))

    ((… I really am a perfect example of why Linzi says not to give your address to people online…))

    ((.. missing you already!!))


  5. Ham in Coca-Cola? Did she go Mississippi or something? Oh, I am pleased to be a vegetarian right now. Eeeeew….

    Enjoy your blogging break. Merry Christmas.

  6. Excellent words like “plumpening” (my new favourite word) and “voluptuous filthbag” (THE perfect descriptor for that finger-licking little vixen, btw) makes it totally worth it to read past the 400-word point.

  7. Happy Christmas Kav.

  8. Happy Christmas, Kav. Hope 2007 brings great joy (and great exam results!).

  9. I’ve actually been hitting the tread mill a little harder in anticipation of the Christmas fattening.

    Which is like the quickening in Highlander…only without lightening and more farts. 😉


  10. I didn’t read most of that post as 20 words are my limit, I have more respect for the intelligence of my readers so I do ramble and don’t care if they read or not as its all about me.
    Don’t bother to stay in shape, you’re married why the need? have a great christmas, and if you don’t I’ll cut ya.

  11. Ah…Merry Christmas to you too.

  12. Merry Christmas, Kav!

    Four hundred words? What is the average blogger, a pussy? Read, people, read!

    But Kav, write when you feel like it. You’re right, it’s good to wait until you feel like writing.

    Looking forward to reading about the five top scary moments,


    P.S. Your holiday plans sound wonderful. I hope you don’t mind, I might steal some ideas.

  13. Hope you and yours have a good one.

    Happy Christmas Kav

  14. Yeah, I hope so too.
    That card you got, it might have been someone overplaying their ironic, practical jokey self.
    Anyhoo have a good time but not the sex.
    If I’m on rations, you should be too.
    Happy Christmas.

  15. Have a great Crimbo Kav.

  16. hope you’ve a

  17. Merry Christmas Kav!

  18. Thans very much everybody I would love to giev you all a l little oneliner but I anmd fuck ed and it’s Chriastma sEveday so I need to head u[p to bed now . Cheers though, nad thanks fro bother ing yourarses to visit my blog. Ity’s very appreicated

    *gang sgin”


  19. Have a special Christmas, youse.

  20. Don’t know if I said this already, but Happy Christmas, and may I wish you a peaceful new year.

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