Life, you caaaaaant.

February 6, 2007 at 11:26 am | Posted in backlash, cocky bastard, stealing my thunder | 22 Comments

Got any good interview stories? I need a laugh.

Seems my tactic of being honest about my reluctance to travel has put off the guys who were so keen on me until recently. The temerity, the acid gall of the bastards; what a bitter pill this is.

This is what happened: a while back, they said they’d like to interview me re: a position. I was flattered, but not exactly dying to move from here; there’s a lot of travelling in the job they’re talking about, and lots of trips away. Beneath my sarcastic wanker exterior, family always comes first, and I couldn’t handle gallivanting around the country and being away from them for days and weeks at a time, even with a decent salary/benefits increase. Having loads of disposable income is fuck-all use to you if you’re miserable and divorced and can only see your kids at predetermined times. No thank you.

My reluctance to compromise in this area reared its head a few times during the interviews, and, though I knew it would be to my detriment, I tried to be as honest as I could with them about my feelings on the travelling aspect. James Bluntly: I don’t want to travel.

Anyway, yesterday evening, I checked through my emails to find one from the HR damsel who interviewed me. I say damsel because her accent reminded me of how a damsel, or perhaps a maiden, may have sounded in days of thunder yore.

It read:

Kav,

Can you advise the best number to contact you on this week? I have some feedback for you from your final interview with Willy Wonka.

Regards,
Oompa Loompa Doopadee Doo.

As you may guess, all names have been changed, but that’s irrelevant. The key word here is “final“. I’ve already been told that there would be a third, face-to-face interview if things were being taken further, so I’m presuming this is a poor attempt at subtlety on her part. What a bitch.

I wish to fuck she would just call me and get it over with. I’ve been waiting all morning to give some feedback of my own. Exhibit A: six weeks to let me know how the first interview went – I was told I’d hear in one week. Exhibit B: Phoning my fucking BOSS at work and saying “Hello this is Stupid Fucking Arsehole from Stupid Fucking Company, can I speak to Kav please?” Exhibit C: The sly e-mail above, a clever way of demoralising a candidate before administering the final blow via this phone call.

What bothers me most is that I wanted to be the one to reject them, dammit! How dare they steal my opportunity to be all cocky and arrogant and to let them know “yeah, whatever, thanks but no thanks, tossers”.

This is no more than I deserve, of course. Serves me right for being an overconfident bastard about it. Now hurry up and phone me, you selfish cunts. I need to be put out of my misery.

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22 Comments »

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  1. that’s what happens when you want to be a milkman – it’s a cruel competitive world on those rounds, trust me

  2. You’d know, you gurrier.

    Wait, did I say that yesterday?

  3. Hmm, was HR damsel working for a recruitment operation or directly for the crowd that had the job? If she’s working for a HR recruitment firm then consider how you react – she will have more fish (employers)in the sea who might employ an upskilling young man such as yourself.

  4. sid: You said it.

    Sweary: So did you. Needs to try harder.

    Conan: No, she works for the company, and she still hasn’t phoned. Aaaaaagh.

    And you know there was really no need to put the “(employers)” bit in – I understood your secret code. Heh.

  5. Cunts.

    But as you weren’t too pushed about the job, forget about it.

    The fuck-up of them calling you at work and identifying themselves to your boss is an absolute no-no, and for that they should be shafted somehow…

    Hmmm. hard to know. Bastards. The lot of them.

  6. Thanks am. That’s what Linzi keeps saying too.

    The feckers still haven’t phoned, so I don’t even know for definite yet!

  7. I hate interviews already – and I’ve only ever had about six of them. The worst ever was an interview for a job as a valet. A valet?!? How could anyone not be qualified to wash and hoover cars in a garage?

    Thanks also for adding me to your blogroll … I can feel a tear òf joy at recognition coming on …

  8. Bad luck, Kav. You’re spot on though. You don’t want to miss the wee’uns growing up.

    Call her on it when you talk to her next. It’s too much of an idiocy to call someone at work about another job. She should have learnt that on day 1 of HR school.

  9. Worst interview I ever had was for McDonald’s, me age 15, creepy McManager looking me up and down hungrily and saying “My, but you do have very long legs, don’t you?” I still shiver with the ick of it.

    Maybe she meant “final” as in “last”, in the temporal sense. Maybe it was just a grammatical anomaly…

    Unforgiveable screw-up, though, them calling your boss like that. Perhaps not best to work for an outfit that makes those kinds of errors. They obviously lack professionalism.

  10. I mean “last” in the “chronological” sense not the “temporal” sense…

    Oh nevermind.

  11. She can’t phone. She’s far too busy reading your blog. Maybe she’ll phone … uh oh.

  12. knowwhatch mean Kav, I travel a bit for work, but it’s at my own discression. I enjoy it but I miss the kids after about 2 days adn cant wait to get back to see them. At this age they change so much week to week. Who wants to miss that!
    There’s no way I’d travel all the time. I know people who travel 3 weeks of the month. Some love it but most are unhealthy and unhappy.

  13. Hard to know, Kav.
    Could be:they would just e-mail you with a brush-off? A phone call is good?
    Could be: they would ring you fast to get you? The delay isn’t good?
    Could be: they are sorting out a non-travelling package for you and then they’ll ring?
    Could be: who knows?
    What we do know is that you weren’t that pushed at all about that job.
    What I know is that in my life – things have happened for a reason… I have been v relieved and glad not to get job A cos then I was available for job B that I loved.
    If you don’t get it – let it off. If you get offered it – don’t accept just cos you were offered it!!! Use this time for thinking about what you really want.
    Don’t let it get you down and don’t let it stop you.
    Sounds like you have made your way out of a tricky start to a good place – hurrah!
    It will work out for the best – either way.
    We’re all here for you!

  14. Fuck it, Kav, it looked like you were going to get the right job. It’s true though: no money would pay you to be away from the family. Fuck that.

  15. That sucks, Kav. I’m sorry. It sounds as though it wasn’t the job for you, but I’m sorry that it doesn’t sound like you’re going to get the chance to turn them down (their loss).

    My best interview story comes from an interview I was giving at my last job. We were hiring an administrative assistant at the nonprofit I worked for, and this woman sent in a resume so fabulous that I was just going to give her the job. The interview was a formality. Well, she walked in the office, gave it a bit of a sniff (we were a nonprofit for Christ’s sake, what did she expect? The place still had the best view in town) and sat down. I asked her why she had applied for the job, and she said, “Well, you know, I know this isn’t much of a position. I want to know when I get to do something substantial.”

    She didn’t get the job. Funny thing was, I had applied for the same admin position, and six months later I was a vice president.

    I’m sure your interview went better than that.

    I hope you find something soon.

  16. Hello, Kav? Yeah, this is the Oompa Loompa. You’re a great, great man. Too great, in fact, for us to bother you with our triffle of a company. We’re so sorry to have wasted your time you great, great man you.

    Also, we were a bit disturbed by your Burberry track suit and obscenely white trainers.

    Bless your cotton socks.

    O. Loompa,

  17. I had a job working in a 24 hour burger joint. I got 2 hours sleep and walked two miles to the interveiw for a filling station at the new Sainsburys. I did the test they gave us and was told I got top marks, when they told me the job wasn’t 24 hours my lack of sleep made me burst into tears of joy. I didn’t get the job strangely enough.

  18. Trust me, you don’t want the job and email them re same before they call.

    I had to leave my last interview after 20minutes to get sick (note to self don’t drink night before interview). Amazingly they still wanted me to interview again. One would imagine getting sick is a pretty good karmic sign that the job is not for you, so i declined !

  19. dario: My usual thing with interviews is to shite myself beforehand, but I’m fine once I’m in there.

    sam: Thanks. I’m still waiting on them today, the feckers!

    whyioughtta: Yeah, I keep forgetting women hate being sexually harassed during interviews. You should’ve heard the uncomfortable silence when I told my interviewer she had a delightful bosom. Did I mention it was a phone interview?

    primal: Oh god. I don’t want to be one of those dooce type people who get fired for their blag. I’d be screwed.

    john: Exactly – I think if I could have been given a few more guarantees about the frequency and length of time I’d be away, I’d have been more excited about the job.

    mairéad: Thankee ma’am – the worst bit is, any of your options could still be viable, as they still haven’t called. It’s driving me crackers.

    bock: Indeed, I’ve seen it fuck people up too many times. Don’t want it to happen with mine.

    sassy: Thank you. I don’t really feel bad about it. The only thing that will bother me is if they tell me my techical ability wasn’t up to scratch – that will piss me off.

    And what an arrogant cow! No wonder she didn’t get the job. I think humility is one of the most important traits a person can have – doesn’t matter is you’re a millionaire CEO or a janitor.

    duckie: You fucker, have you been videoing me again? I already asked you to take them down off YouTube.

    old knudsen: Heh, you feckin loon. I didn’t know they had Sainsbury’s back in the 1930’s.

  20. flirty something: Welcome along. My instincts are telling me you’re right – I don’t want the job. But my brain is saying, think of the money and experience you’ll get!

    I still don’t know what I’m going to say when they do call.

  21. tell them to fuck off – you’ll thank me in the long run

  22. […] I had a job interview for a company in Glasgow. I’m pretty excited about it, much more so than those other cunts. […]


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