Dadness

March 7, 2007 at 7:45 am | Posted in family, not missing stuff | 22 Comments

My days are the same, mostly. Get up, shower, train to work, spend far too much time at work reading blogs, train home, eat something, spend time with the kids, watch tv and talk with Linzi, go to bed and have incredible multitantraorgasmic sex. Yes, every night. Honest.

It’s odd; life feels frenetic despite its familiarity. Yesterday evening was another typical maelstrom of mundanity, only this time I was on my own, as Linzi and her mum were off to Ikea to look at sinks. I think Grandad would agree that I got a good deal by being the one to stay at home.

Tired and distracted, my mind was as much on settling in front of the tv for a couple of hours as it was on playing with Erin and Jack. After half an hour of reading stories and playing with little plastic animals, it was time to get them up to bed, so I told Erin to start tidying up, not really expecting her to, because I normally need to say it half a dozen times before she’ll even consider dragging herself away from whatever game she’s playing.

She has these big glossy cards, about thirty of them, each with a different type of animal on them. While I was in the kitchen getting their milk ready, I popped my head around the door of the playroom to see her, head bent and brow furrowed, patiently placing the cards one by one into their wallet, doing her best to tidy up. My initial reaction was impatience – Christ, one by one?! that’s going to take ages! – and I started into the room to scoop up the cards and shove them all into the wallet at once.

I’m glad I stopped myself. What a dick I would’ve looked to her, trying her best to do what daddy asked, if I’d come in and just snatched them out of her hands. For what? To save three minutes so I could sit down and fry my brain in front of shit tv? So I’d get around to scanning Bloglines a wee bit sooner?

Mentally reprimanding myself for my lack of patience (it’s a virtue I don’t possess), I sat next to her and held the wallet open, allowing her little untrained hands to concentrate on slotting the cards in. She described each animal to me as she added it to the pack. It took maybe seven minutes, and it’s the kind of thing that’s easy to avoid when all you want to do is put your feet up and have a drink.

You only get one chance though.

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  1. You’re so right Kav.Even now with Finn only 3 1/2 I find myself thinking I should have done more of this,that or d’other with him and his brothers.
    Patience used to be something I had in spades,lost and found again when we had our kids.I’m not where I want to be with it yet but I’m much better than I used to be.

  2. While you were distracted by the slotting of cards, I stole your bottle.

  3. You’re a wise man to recognise all this early on, Kav. And a lucky man. Your kids will love you for it.

    My own patience waxes and wanes despite my best efforts sometimes. There are days when my nerves feel like sparky live powerlines in a rainy gale but all in all, patience has trended upwards with being a mammy. And worry and caution and love.

  4. Stop, you fucker. I’m a very bad mother and you’re documenting my life.

  5. U’ll have a whole lifetime of putting ur feet up after they turn 18 and they won’t be taking any more knowledge from u after that. Not easily anyway

  6. Fair play to you, Kav, for displaying that kind of patience. Like yourself, it’s not my strongest virtue either.

    While I may be a bit young for kids, when I was younger I once had to babysit my cousins in the sticks. They nearly drove me insane. In the end I neglected my duties and fired up their Playstation – I was about 13 at the time – and hoped they would eventually tire of smashing things.

    They didn’t; I never got paid.

  7. You’re a sweetie. I can just picture it!

  8. I can just see her, showing each one to you and loving the undivided attention from her Daddy. Your kids will always remember these little chunks of time spent with Daddy!
    I was too harried and stressed to be an exceptional mother to my daughter (she is now 20 and verbalises my pathetic mothering skills to anyone who will listen) but have managed to calm down and go more with the flow for my son (now 13). Mostly because my daughter no longer lives at home, the constant bickering has stopped, ’tis way cool. In my defense, and hers, my daughter was 7 when her brother was diagnosed (at 5 months) with a disability which is going to affect all of us for all of our lives and I was in limbo land trying to grasp the enormousness of it all! We moved to the US, away from family, and this was very hard for her. OH, and divorcing the verbally abusive a*hole I married went a long way to saving the day too, grin!

  9. Ah Kav…sniff. That was beautiful. My father was a patient man and trust me, I loved him for it. Unlike that other lilac harridan he would take his time and repeat things and show us things and wait for us to work stuff out. It meant a lot to us ad I’m sure it means a lot to your babies.

  10. I’m kind of at an awkward stage with my son. Although he’s not yet 12, puberty has hit and he’s becoming a teenager. EVERYTHING that’s said to him or asked of him is met with a huff, a whine or a challenge.

    The other day I realised that I’m moaning at him almost the entire time. I’m turning into the kind of Dad I swore I wouldn’t.

    It’s frightening.

  11. I agree with problemchildbride – you’re a wise man indeed to cop this so early on. Pretty rare also. My husband can be very patient or he can go off like a rocket over nothing much. I’m more even, I think.

  12. That was sooo sweet Kav.

    You’re a great dad!

  13. That just made me cry.. JESUS I’m emotional.

  14. And now I’m crying and feeling broody in front of my computer. And there’s not even a picture of a baby or a puppy.

    Jesus!

    Thanks Kav.

  15. So this multitantraorgasmic sex…is it with Linzi or without? Just askin’. Cuz you don’t really say.

    p.s. You’re a good daddy.

  16. Well done, Kav. I hope you had multiorgasmic sex after. You deserved it.

  17. Aww! *Wipes away a tear*

    Without detracting from any of the genuine loveliness of this story, I feel the same way about my shoes.

    Sorry it took me a while to find you at your new home!

  18. Devin: I have to work so hard to be patient – Linzi says it’s my worst trait.

    MJ: I pissed in it, so I hope you enjoyed it.

    Sam: Not to mention guilt!

    Sweary: Don’t be a spanther – it was a eureka moment for me.

    itelli: Very true sir, very true.

    Dario: not getting paid was a bit harsh, wasn’t it?

    Flutt: She’s the sweetie. I’m more of a savoury myself.

    Orfhlaith: That sounds incredibly difficult. We’re blessed that both our kids are both fine in that respect.

    FMC: Know what you mean – both my parents are quite short-tempered, something I definitely inherited. It’s made me more determined not to pass it on. The weird thing is, a lot of it HAS to be genetic, because I’ve seen Erin shake with frustration from not being able to do something, and she’s never seen anyone act out to know what to do. She’s frighteningly like me sometimes.

    Kim; That’s scary. Sounds like no matter how much you try, it might be that it’s just one of those roads that has to be travelled with kids? Not looking forward to that.

    Mairéad: I’m probably like your husband. Stupid things get me annoyed, and I can be very patient in other areas.

    jali: Thanks!

    Pinkie and Karen: oh no! All the women are crying. I’m off to hide somewhere until it stops.

    whyioughtta: It depends if she’s awake or not. 😉

    Sassy: Well, not immediately after…

    marika: Welcome back, glad you found the place! And heh about your shoes. That used to be me about the PS2.

  19. you’re very very right, you do only get one chance with the smallies. we got rid of the telly 2 months ago. now we have conversations where one eye isnt on the box. and no more fights over what to watch. phew.but we still watch dvds on the computer though!

  20. Welcome snow. We’ve tried to limit the tv a lot – it only goes on at certain times of the day, and the rest it’s just music. Don’t know if I could get rid of it completely though!

  21. That’s so cute, Kav. You do have a soul, after all.

  22. Sometimes Cindy Lou. When the occasion demands it.


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