Everyone else is doing it…

March 21, 2007 at 9:02 am | Posted in Kav's weekly word wide web | 24 Comments

that's right, I've got three motherfucking hands. word.

…and I don’t have time to write proper posts, so here’s some crap that I noticed while browsing around recently:

One man’s fight against the spammers. Impressed with the effort this lad has gone to to take the piss out of these cunts.

Pointless, but I still spent ten minutes reading random crap from around the world: Twitter + Google Maps = Twittervision

Pictures of the year – some amazing ones.

Was that Channel 4 documentary on global warming a sham?

If you’re concerned about the location of your lover, this new technology uses GPS to find their location using their mobile phone. Perfect for the psychopathic jealous type.

Windows Vista’s getting more bad press – less secure than XP?

Probably old, but some of them made me laugh – 40 things that only happen in the movies.

Thus ends Kav’s inaugural Word Wide Web. Word.

~

My favourite Spanish fascist, the inimitable Manual Estimate, has tagged me to reveal five little-known things about myself. Now, Manuel obviously hasn’t been paying attention, because I ranted a while back that I already have 101 little-known things written about myself, and therefore I favour pissing on people who only bother writing five things. But since it’s you, Manuel, I can’t resist. However, just to make things interesting, one of the things below is a lie. Have a guess at which one.

  1. I am slightly obsessive-compulsive about certain things. For example, I can’t stand to have unopened mail in my inbox at work. Even if it’s junk, I’m loathe to delete it without opening it first. Something about seeing the bold font highlighting an unopened email just grates on me. I also check all the doors on the house are locked at least twice before I go up to bed.
  2. Like The Swearing Lady, I would love to publish a novel some day. Unlike Sweary, I lack the drive, ambition, shkillz and shtyle to follow through. Plus there’s that pesky issue of actually writing it…
    I console myself with the thought that some of the best novelists were over 40 before they got anywhere. Plenty of time yet.
  3. Myself and Linzi’s biggest argument occurred after she caught me dosing myself with illicit chemicals on a really shit night out in old Galway town. She wasted some of Supermac’s finest curry chips that night by throwing them at me. I opened my mouth to try to catch them as they flew through the air, but their high velocity and low trajectory meant they splattered my crotch instead.
  4. I gave up scratching myself in the presence of people and animals for Lent.
  5. Rationally, I respond well to criticism, and understand it and benefit from it. Emotionally, I can’t help but take it personally, which really fucks me off, because I know it’s not personal. I’d never show you that I took it personally though, because that’s weak, like a malnourished kitten.
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  1. However, just to make things interesting, one of the things below is a lie. Have a guess at which one.

    “I also check all the doors on the house are locked at least twice before I go up to bed.”

    You don’t go “up” to bed. You sleep in your new garage, while fondling your hammer (if you know what I mean) while muttering “My Precious, my Precious!”

    So, what do I win?

  2. but their high velocity and low trajectory meant they splattered my crotch instead
    Or you’d just shat yourself. That can happen on the ould chemicools as well.

  3. I know! I know! The bit that’s not true is: Unlike Sweary, I lack the drive, ambition, shkillz and shtyle to follow through. Except for the drive bit: That’s gone now that you’ve built a garage on it.

  4. The over 40 bit is wrong as we all know that C. Ahern was just 20 when she wrote her masterpiece !

  5. I hate you, flirtysomething

  6. Slim: Incorrect! That statement is true. However, your statement is also true. Hmmm…

    Sewary (see what I did there?): I’ve never poo’d myself while under the influence (excluding alcohol). You’re close though.

    Sneezy: Yarf, you’re on the ball aren’t you. Sadly, also incorrect.

    Flirty: God almighty, give me strength. I might as well just kill myself now. I’m taking y’all with me though.

    Sweary: I’m convinced she was joking. It’s the only way I can keep myself going.

  7. Martin Amis was 17 when he wrote the rachael papers.

  8. Amis, schmamis. That’s nothing. I was 5 when I wrote my first bike off. I still have the scars.

  9. Scratching.

  10. I dunno, Kav, I’ve seen malnourished kittens roar like tigers against all the odds. Don’t mess with a manourished kitten has been my rule to live by, ever since that day.

    It happened in Greenland. See there was this malnourished kitten…

  11. Flirty, you pup. I’ve loaded the gun.

    Sneezy: I’m going to get a drum for each of your posts. Every time I read one, I’ll go badoom-boom-tish! I love it.

    MJ: Wrong! That one’s true too.

    Sam: You may be right. What’s that thing about caged beasts? Rarrrrr.

    I can’t believe none of you even cracked a smile at my three arms. Fine, whatever the fuck. Personally, the picture made me don a pair of lollerskates, climb into a rofflecopter, and fly to chuckletown. The glasses are Linzi’s, the hat is from Cancer Research. The top is my own.

  12. I can’t see the picture, dammit.

    I’m with you on number five.

  13. You’re missing the best picture in the entire world, Melissa. I feel terrible for you.

    Number 5 is true, so yes, you really are with me. It’s annoying though, isn’t it?

  14. I’m horrible at accepting criticism. Horrible.

  15. It’s the curry one!
    Love the pic. Thought your fingers were webbed in it, so I had to go right up to the screen to check. Cool.

  16. Word Wide Web – Very good. I likes that I does.

    Two false hands out of three. Where was your other real one seeing as you’ve, and I quote: Gave up scratching myself in the presence of people and animals for Lent?

    Cameras and computers are people (and animals respectively) too.

    Oh, hauld on a minute now. Have I won?

  17. There’s a picture now! I was wondering what all the 3 hand stuff was.

    Yo da maaaaan, Kav.

  18. jali: It’s not an easy thing to do. I almost always accept it, except where I think it’s not justified, but it stings even when it shouldn’t.

    mairéad: You’re right! We never had an argument about that, exactly. However, I did make a promise after Erin was born that I would not do anthing heavy again. I’ve stuck to it.

    sneezy: I never said I gave up fondling, did I? Alas, you haven’t won. I’ve sent you a cookie though.

    sam: Word, homie. Think there’s something wrong with WordPress images today.

  19. I dig this list.

    And, on behalf of people everywhere, thank you for refraining from scratching yourself in front of us. I think the animals are grateful too.

  20. Nice picture, you’re such a wigger.

  21. Flann O’Brian, The Third Policeman The world of de Selby’s theories on travel; there it is the only way to travel. I’ve been doing it for years (with herbal assistance- confidential). That’s the answer. You can save money (((((by making your own postcards; not supporting little shites like Michael O’Leary, and the now in hell Sir Freddie Laker who started it all))))) and help save the planet. Sincerely: Paddy

  22. PS: I know the Coady’s from Tuam in Galway ever hearh of them. Paddy

  23. Sassy: Linzi’s delighted about it too!

    knudsen: Word, old homie.

    Paddy: One of my favourite books – fooking mental. I’d love to be able to write like that. You should check out Eolaí’s blog – he’s the closest writer to F O’B I know of, and his way with words is frickin hilarious.
    And no, haven’t heard of the Coady’s.

  24. Muchas gracias, Kav. Is what they say, “too much information, man!”

    I must also tell everyone about the wonderful book I write. Is like the Bible, escept I improve it.


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