If we took a holiday…

March 22, 2007 at 9:14 am | Posted in family, holiday dilemma, the horror of it all | 30 Comments

Now that we’ve got a shmall bit of money, we’ve been considering booking a holiday. I’m a bit reluctant to book anything, because of our track record with holidays. Linzi and I are harbingers of doom, you see. Whenever we go on holiday, people die. Coincidence, or cosmic collusion? You decide:

19 April 1993: A school tour to the Ailwee Cave coincides with the conclusion of the Waco siege, when David Koresh and 78 other religious numpties burn to death.

August 1997: Linzi goes to Disneyland. Princess Diana dies in a car crash.

September 2001: We go to Tunisia. The Twin Towers are destroyed by terrorists, killing nearly 3,000 people. Incidentally, I was reading Thomas Harris’ novel Black Sunday when the Twin Towers were destroyed. Its subject matter is…the biggest ever terrorist plot to be carried out on US soil. Spooky.

July 2005: A week in Ireland – Erin’s first trip to the oul homeland – and terrorists bomb the tube in London.

We’ve decided it’s for your own good if we don’t take a holiday this year. It’s a good thing I’m a bleeding-heart altruist, and I’m willing to put your safety ahead of my own leisure time. You bastards.



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  1. True, dat. If I went on holiday, you’d die. Wouldn’t you, Kav? You couldn’t handle a world without me. Right? Yes? RIGHT?

  2. Indeed. Without a daily dose, I’m lost. I nearly went blind with frustration and poitín while you were away last week.

  3. I’d suggest a trip to Spud World, but then there’d be an outbreak of blight and another famine.

  4. Okay. I am adding you to my blogroll. Congratulations. You are now on 6 weeks probation. Keep yup the good work and it could be a permanent fixture. But again, congratulations.

  5. Go to Wexford, I hear it’s mighty. Mind you I heard that from a Wexford local on Paddy’s night and he was high as a kite when he said it, so maybe I’m wrong. Don’t hold me to it.

  6. just come over to The Lebanon, if you come to a place that is a little bit exciting then you will counter act you bad luck.

  7. I am tempted to say camp out in your back garden that should be safe enough … but then, your new garage might fall down and kill one of your neighbours, dependant on how you feel about your neighbours, this could be a good or bad thing.

    Don’t come to Manchester … EVER!



  8. You freaky guy. Used to work with a guy and there was always bombing when he arrived, fiji, london etc. At least you are in a different country when it happens.

  9. Sneezy: Still, maybe with a few less people the house prices might drop.

    Blarneyman: Cheers. I’ve added you too, but I have no caveats, so you’ll be there a while. I’m far too generous.

    FMC: My grandparents went last year for a week and they in fact confirmed that they had a mighty time. The problem with going back to Ireland is that I HAVE to see the family, so going elsewhere in Ireland is unlikely.

    MacD: Now there’s a theory worth exploring. Is it child-friendly though?

    Ms Minx: I’d maybe kill the neighbours on our right (just for being interfering bastards), but the ones on the left are sound(ish).

    I’ve never been to Manchester. Would you not put me up if I was visiting? 🙂

    flirty: The thing is, these are the ONLY holidays I’ve been on. Maybe I need to go on more holidays, not less. That should bring down my terror-riddled batting average.

  10. Ha ha!!

    I live near Manchester City’s Stadium, so maybe it would collapse if you stayed with me … as I am a United Fan … feck it!

    And … I have troll-neighbours to the left of me, so you could direct all your holiday-hoodoo at them, and in return, I would cook you and all your family a full English, every day of your stay.



  11. Oh Kav, everybody has to “go” at sometime or the other. You’ve been a big help to the mortuary industry so far and they might be counting on you to help feed their children…or send them to uni…or buy that vacation home.

  12. Kav it is one of the most child friendly and child welcoming places I have seen. There is plenty to do , beach, water parks even a Disney esque fun park. Habtourland. If you want to go to restaurants children are most welcome and the people here love kids. Sun is a bit hot during July august but outside that is is beare able. May-early june or late september to October perfect weather. Of course you would have too put up with the panic from friends and family when they heard of your destination but there you go.

  13. Kav

    Can you let me know in advance if you plan to come to San Francisco – then again it does seem that death and woe happens in a place other than where you vacation. Welcome! Come on over it’s great! Actually based on that logic, I will be in London in April – can you not plan any holidays the 2nd week in April ?

  14. I was gonna point that out too: the places you travel to seem to be safe from harm. In fact–glass half full here–you’re like an insurance policy for wherever you visit. So come to Canada!…it’s maple syrup season and we start up the sugar shack this weekend. The kids will love it until the sugar coma hits.

  15. Yeah. I don’t want to die. Don’t go on holiday.

    Lucky me—my birthday’s September 11.

  16. Hey Kav you’re not one of the four horsemen are you?

  17. Nah..he’s the fifth horseman.He’s got a piebald,a snorkel jacket and a Jack Russell onna bit of string.
    The other four don’t like to talk about him as they’re all snooty two-horses-in-the-garage-and-nothin’-in-the-fridge types and think he lowers the tone.
    Come over to Washington and maybe an asteroid would fall on Limerick……worse luck for the asteroid.

  18. I didn’t think he was a horseman at all, I just thought he had a bit of a cold, is all.

    I’m still laughing at your anus-molesting comment over at Bock’s, Kav. Funniest comment I’d read all day, that was.

  19. I went to Aberdeen once and Hitler invaded Poland a week later, I too am cursed.

  20. I’m going windsurfing on the Leeds & Liverpool canal. Wanna go?

  21. Help Kav, my toilet’s blocked and I can’t afford a plumber. Any top tips please?

  22. I want the pencils up the nose pic back again.

  23. WTF? That is too freaky to be coincidental. I think you’re right to stay home. In fact, it might be safest if you just don’t leave your house ever again.

  24. Go on holidays ya big pussy. The world could use some more drama.

  25. Given the delicate state of negotiations in the north at the minute and your combind history, I’d say that a summer at home and doing up the new garage might be an idea..you never know what might happen..

  26. Ms Minx: A full English sounds good to me. I’ll see you tomorrow.

    jali: Maybe I’m in the wrong career…

    McD: That’s very interesting – I think L would have a fit if I suggested that as a holiday destination – I’ll see what happens! Should be good for a laugh at least.

    john: I hope to be working my notice period at work during April (fingers tightly crossed) so no worries on that score!

    whyioughtta: We’ve always wanted to go to Canadia. It’s a beautiful country (well, the bits they let me see, anyway).

    Sassy: Well, at least nobody’s likely to forget it!

    Treason: I’m far more generous than those tight fuckers. I saw one of them kill a lad rather than buy a round last week in t’pub.

    Devin: Heh, I like the idea of causing chaos on a piebald.

    Sam: Glad to be of service, ma’am. They are weird weird guys though.

    knudsen: Just how old are you, for fuck’s sake?

    eddie: I couldn’t turn down an offer like that. are you sure you want me along though? You might be at risk of death.

    anon: In this order (a) a couple of kettles full of boiling water and then (b) a half a bottle of bleach. Leave overnight and flush away the next morning. If you get nowhere with that, try pouring a full bottle of bleach down, and leaving it all day, then get a plunger and as you flush, pump that thing steadily…good luck. 🙂

    MJ: Why? Give me a good reason and I may accede to your wishes.

    Marika: My real name is Kavama Bin Laden…muahahahaha.

    steph: I like that thinking. As long as it doesn’t happen to me, I don’t mind.

    is it just me?: You mean just like every other summer for the past six years? We need a break! And going home doesn’t really count as a holiday, since it’s so bloody stressful! Welcome to you, by the way.

  27. Why the pencils pic?

    Because that’s what attracted me to you in the first place.

    I wouldn’t have read on if you’d been just another regular boring blogger.

    “Look at that goofy Irishman,” said I. “He’s got to be good for a laff.” And I was right.

    Now reinstate the pencils, dammit before I whip yer arse!

  28. Kav, you’re a genius. I owe you a pint or ten. Just saved me 100s of euro. And pumping away with the plunger was quite fun 🙂

  29. MJ: Done. Just for you, it’s back.

    anon: Good, I’m glad. I hate the thought of throwing money to those cunts.

  30. I can sleep at night now.

    Ta, Kav.

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