Job Panda jaya jaya

March 27, 2007 at 10:10 am | Posted in jobs | 14 Comments

Thank you all for your good wishes and pisstakes.

It went really well. Really really well. He told me that based on my interview he could see no weaknesses, to which I replied well then bow before me, cretin! and made him do a little non-sexual dance for me. You should’ve seen it, you would’ve giggled like a gaggle of galloping giraffes gone gay.

Yeah. A few times, he said things like “Excellent answer” and “You’re so attractive”, and at the end, speaking in that fake, guarded way that people do when they’re pretending they have lots of options but really don’t have any, he said if I am considered for the role, I will have to meet all four directors I’d be working for. THAT’S FOUR SEPARATE INTERVIEWS! Sweet suffering silhouette of Christ on a dusty carpet, talk about thorough. Seems that the position of Panda-Cuddler is one taken very seriously by the Ministry of Defence.

Can you picture me as a professional panda-cuddler?
What I could be doing soon.

So now, I wait.

Of course, it would be arrogant and presumptuous of me to think that they haven’t got other people; I’m sure they do. However, the girl in recruitment said I’m the only local applicant (local meaning the only person in Scotland they’ve found); everyone else at interview stage is London-based. She thinks that doing a good interview and being in the right location puts me ahead of the pack. I’m trying not to disagree. That bastion of cynicism, my mind, is trying to tell me otherwise, but for now, I’m like the knobbly end of a Duracell: positive.

I’m telling you, there’s not enough hours in the day. Having been off “sick” last Friday and yesterday, I’ve got a shitload of work to catch up on. This wasn’t helped by my getting caught up in Sweary’s post today when I vowed all I’d do was skim some blogs.

Must work, must I? Yes I must. Do you remember yer man Mustapha Ali in the comics? They’d probably be burning effigies if he was still around. Bock should resurrect that character and use it for evil; it’d put a boom into his effigy business.

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14 Comments »

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  1. Well done. 4 interviews is completely silly but if it was Google you would have to do 10! Be very careful of the recruitment consultants – paid to lie.

    “positive” – LOL

  2. My fingers are crossed with my toes, ma niggah. Seriously, one of us could do with a bit of luck. BRING IT BACK FOR GALWAY!

    And typical Bish boy, unable to shut up about the place… fnaw.

  3. Looks good, Kav! 4 more interviews though! Are you applying for Double O status? Counter-agent piece-work? Who are these “directors,” and do they have moustaches and epaulettes?

  4. Yeah, like Judi Dench!

  5. Remember to tell them you were created in God’s image. I always put it on my CV and it seems to work … Hold on. scrap that.

  6. You’re only fooling yerself, you can’t stop at cuddling, next it will be spooning and before you know it on the front page for mating with Pandas out of season.

  7. Well done, Kav.

  8. flirty: You’re right about the consultants. More on that later.

    sweary: Heh. I’m black and I’m proud, you know.

    sam: I don’t really know – they’re the heads of the four Glasgow-based businesses, so they’re appropriately high-up enough to make a little bit of piss spill out of my willy when I think about meeting four of them. It’s likely they have the moustaches and epaulettes, together with many medals for bravery and killing.

    sweary: Tsk tsk. Judi’s lovely, in a grannyish way.

    sneezy: Excellent! I’m going to use that.

    knudsen: Just like you and Foot Eater in that picture…

    sassy: Thanks very much. No call yet though…

  9. Used to do admin work in the finance office of Search Consultancy. The amount of shite we had to deal with/clear up because the consultants were only interested in their commissions was horrific. The amount of shoddy, untrustworthy cowboy companies they did deals with was hilarious. Always remember credit control going bananas on a daily basis because consultants had sent people out to companies that hadn’t paid their bills, well, EVER!

    I also once had an abusive phone conversation over two days with some workie who had been misled by a consultant and ended up stranded in Blackpool. Fuck ’em, the fake bastards….

  10. Cunts are SUPPOSED to be sexy.

    Gaw!

  11. Damn! I can’t get used to this ‘comments at the top of the post’ thing. Please be deleting my post about recruitment consultants if you wish, I’ll re-post it in the right place…..

  12. Hah! I got it anyway. In the other wan.

  13. I just came back to this post because of that brilliant picture and the idea of the job of baby panda cuddler. Always makes me smile!

    Please, use this picture frequently, nay frivolously. I shall never tire of it.

  14. Well badgerdaddy, if you insist. I will try to think of a way of including it…


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