March 28, 2007 at 5:11 pm | Posted in ambition | 24 Comments

I spent the forty-minute train journey home this evening putting together a list of things to do before I’m thirty. Here it is:

1. Grow a beard.

That’s as far as I got. Christ almighty, a beard is the sum of my ambition.



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  1. And a very sound ambition it is.

    What more do you need in life?

  2. It’s an ambition and a half, Kav. Not every man can successfully grow a beard.

  3. A beard… A beard like Ger Butler’s in 300 would be outstanding. Yes. And thighs like Ger Butler’s in 300…. Yes. Ambitious.

  4. Aim even higher by growing the beard and then entering the World Beard and Moustache Championships.

  5. Oooooooh! (Oooooch across the waters)

    You would look sooooo cute with a beard! Do it baby!

  6. 3 in one day – I’m so proud!

  7. Can you take some of my beard-growing prowess? Please? 30 years? I can grow a full beard in 30 minutes. Oy!

  8. I think a beard would look magnificent. Just wear sunscreen on the rest of your face, is all. My dad grew one, one summer in his hippy youth and got all brown over the rest of his face cos he was working outside all the time. When he took the beard off it was white as snow underneath and he looked like a right dork. He knew he would be working outside for the forseeable future so he regrew the beard and has had it ever since.

    He took it off once when I was wee – for charity or something – and I cried and cried and wouldn’t go near him. He didn’t look anything like himself.

  9. Can you grow a real beard or does it look like more of a facial hair problem?

  10. This is why I love you. You make me feel like less of a failure 😛

  11. I’ve had a beard since I was 16. A real one, not the teenage bum-fluff so common on college campuses. I didn’t realise until now what an over-achiever I was. Thanks Kav.

    Or maybe it was just easier for me. (See my avatar).

  12. Ah beards!….I had for a while but she left me.

  13. Funny, I have that very same goal, but before I turn 40. Small world, no?

  14. On the plus side if you grow the beard in the next few weeks you will under less pressure and can enjoy the rest of your 30’s.

  15. You young thing, you. Best of luck with the beard.

  16. I tried it once but it turned out Red. Very dissapointing.

  17. Growing a beard is all well and good, but who’s going to feed it and take it for walks, etc?

    Seriously though, I’ve had a beard for almost 10 years now (I’m 30). In all that time I think I’ve only shaved it off twice, and both times I grew it back pronto due to the fact that I ended up looking like a frickin’ 13 year old with a receding hair line.

  18. I grew a beard when I was about 23, and it came out red. If I tried to grow one now, it would probably be more grey than anything else.

    Also, my wife hates beards, and has told me on more than one occasion that if I ever grow one, she will divorce me.

  19. Grandad: Very little, it would seem. I didn’t even have “finish a novel” on it, which I thought I would. I need to be realistic about my expectations though.

    Sweary: I’m not too bad, apart from a little bit under my chin that I burned on a pan as a child, where the hair never grows.

    pinkie: Linzi’s favourite body part of mine is my thighs. Make of that what you will.

    MJ: I saw an interview with one of those guys recently – they take that shit seriously!

    jali: Multiposting, eh? I might do it. I think I’d look kind of monkish though.

    howard: I’m a lot slower than that, but it’s not the pace of growth that’s the problem, it’s the wife I chose!

    sam: Excellent advice, I’d never have thoguht of that. My dad asked when we were kids what we’d think if he grew a beard…we were horrified. Weird how you just get used to it.

    Eddie: Up until about 20, my facial hair was still pretty soft. It’s a pain in the hole now though. I can’t leave it more than a day or I look like a scruffy bastard.

    steph: I can’t publish why it is I love you, heh.

    sneezy: 16? Holy crap, that’s impressive. I ought to mention though – it’s not that I’m unable to grow a beard…more that Linzi has told me she’ll divorce me if I do it!

    Devin: The dirty slut. I hope you never take her back.

    Slim Pigeon: I sincerely hope mine is more lustrous and thick.

    flirty: I need a goal though, or I’ll shrivel and die when I reach middle earth. Or middle age, whichever comes first.

    Sassy: Are you hitting on me? I almost got the horn there.

    MacD: I’ve just given thanks to the Lord that you’re still with us after such a traumatic experience.

    Thomas: Welcome to you sir. My wildest has been sideburns below my earlobes, so I don’t know if a beard will age me or not. The thing that bothers me most is the in-between stage before it becomes a “proper” beard. I hope I don’t look like I have face-leprosy.

    Gerry: Exactly! That’s my main obstacle, trying to convince L that bearded men are way better at sex.

  20. I come to you thru Jali.
    Top Gun SUCKS!
    I just thought you would like to know that not all chicks dig it.

    (P.S. beards are cool…if you can grow the full thick one!)

  21. Hello ~d, welcome. I couldn’t agree more. Though it’s hilarious to watch just for the homoeroticism. I’m thinking of going for the Roy LaMontagne look – how’s that?

  22. I’ve had the beard now for around 36 years. I shaved it off once for the laugh. My mother saw me several times after and eventually, after a few weeks she commented “You look different. Have you had a haircut?”
    I grew it back on the insistence of Herself. And she won’t let me trim it!

  23. Best not to try Kav, best not to try. Beards are deceptive. Not as easy as they look. Best left to Jonny Foreigner.

  24. Grandad: Hah! Jeepers, that’s a long time. I hope you use shampoo.

    kieran: I have a worry about that. Am I really swarthy enough?

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