More job news, solipsism. I’ll shut up about it after this, honest.

March 30, 2007 at 9:20 am | Posted in fun at work, jobs | 33 Comments

Holy crap. I have been asked to fly down to Birmingham on the 16th of April to meet two of the Directors. Supposedly, it’s between me and one other person for the job. I choose to believe that the other person does not exist and it’s all about me. Who? ME, that’s who.

I have to leave Glasgow at 8.40am, interview at 11am, and will arrive back in Glasgow at 4.30pm. I feel all important and shit. Remember when Tommy said when I am king you will be first against the wall? I’d buy you a pint instead.

In other, more important news, go and say hello to Niolk, who is back and very funny, though not necessarily in that order.

Have a delightful weekend with loads and loads of sex*, if for no other reason than to piss this dry ould sow off. And while we’re on the subject, Durex are looking for people to test their products. For free! Go and sign up – it’s open to UK and Irish people over 17. Their condoms are no use to me, what with my lad being so incredibly massive in terms of both girth and length, but I’d like to have a gawk at the other stuff.

Another thing: if you do visit here and never comment, why not lose your virginity today and say something? Seeing as we’re talking about sex and that.

*even the five-knuckle shuffle will do.



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  1. tis true, I do tend to lurk around this community of bloggers….so heres my first comment…

  2. Good man Damo. Welcome. I spent a full year lurking about before I even discovered any Irish blogs online (or started blogging, for that matter)…I’m a bit slow on the uptake.

  3. I saw that over on Sweary’s site this morning. Is that woman for bloody real? Chocolate over sex? Her poor bloody husband.

  4. I came across the chocolate woman with the low libido in Dan Savage’s column last week – and he has a good take on it – things like “Men, stop washing the dishes, buying flowers, caring about your woman’s day – even if you do it she’s programmed not to be interested in sex” I haven’t washed a dish since.

    Not that there’s woman in my life, but if one should turn up she’ll see the pile of dirty dishes and know instantly I love her for herself and not for the promise of sexual adventures.


  6. FMC: I know. The poor lad, I hope he’s having an affair.

    Eolaí: I read that article, I think his exact words wer “she won’t fuck you anyway”. And splendid deductive reasoning on your part, though women are not renowned for figuring these things out. How many famous woman detectives have there been?

    Sweary: sniff.

  7. Heres Palm for you

  8. I’m a newbie, too. How-do, Kav. Good luck with the interview. I’m in HR-don’t cuss me just yet. Actually I’m in the training end not the hiring end. OK, now you can cuss me ‘cuz that’s frakkin’ worse I know. I fly as low under the radar as I can so as not to get axed. I never want to go through another interview process again. I’d rather give up sex.

  9. MacD: Palm and I have had a lot of fun together. She really knows how to treat a fellow.

    Howya Angie, welcome along. I appreciate your honesty – not many people would admit what you’ve admitted. Being honest with yourself is the first step on the road to recovery.

    You’d rather give up sex than have another interview? That’s crazy talk! And what d’ya mean about flying under the radar?

    And I’m only joking with you about that HR thing. But not about the sex bit. I’d do ten interviews a day if it meant I’d be guaranteed some rock removal that evening…

  10. And it doesn’t really make your palms hairy – wanking I mean, not HR. That’s how we know God really thinks it’s OK, fine, no problem, to be encouraged even. It would be a horrible, stubbly, pleasureless sensation with a hairy hand but, God, like Jim, has fixed it for you gents to have palms as smooth as…um…anything. He must want y’all to be banging away at it!

    It does make you go blind though.

  11. Very cool to be in the last 2 for the job, as well. Do you have to do anything to prepare for the interview?

  12. All this talk about sex…

    I feel a sin coming on.

  13. And it’s also a mortal sin Sam, so you’re damned to hell if you do it. Can’t forget the good ould Catholic guilt.

    Thanks, I don’t have much to do for the interview. The early interviews tend to be the really techy ones, whereas these ones will be a bit more high-level (I suspect), and will probably ask me a couple of kinda esoteric ones about the company, to see if I’ve done my research. I’ll probably just go over the About section of their website a few more times so I can have some drivel to spout at the appropriate time.

    MJ: It’s the best kind of sin – the kind that makes you feel goo(d). Go for it.

  14. Sorry for the confusion. Since I’m American, maybe my sarcasm didn’t translate. We tend to take ourselves entirely too seriously, thus we lack finesse. So let me rephrase: I would not only not give up sex, but I’ve actually had sex DURING an interview! (Sarcasm, again, Darlin’)

  15. Now you’re talking Angie! Well, typing, at least.

    I did an interview naked before. It came about after a bet with a girl I worked with – I had a phone interview that night and she dared me to do it naked. So I did.

    I didn’t get the job.

  16. I’d do that condom survey too, but MY penis is also so large that……….er, actually, never mind!

  17. Comment virgin! 😉 Best of luck with the job!

  18. Impressive cherry picking Kav!

  19. Hey Kav

    Good luck with the interview – I am of the directorial persuasion at a tech company so if you want any advice shoot me at e mail johnunderscoremcundercoredermottathotmaildotcom.

    At this stage they have probably evaluated that you are technically qualified, know the job and they are trying to make sure you are not some weirdo psycho who will cause friction with current team members.

    BTW What does solipsism mean ?

  20. I did a start your own business course recently, and one of the talks I found interesting was on hiring the help. The guy giving the talk said that people used to hire based on qualifications and fire based on attitude, but now they’re looking more at attitude at interview stage, providing that the qualifications are actually present o course. So, Kav, be your good self and good luck with it!

  21. Mairead is dead right. I interview someone every other week, I have made the mistake of hiring the technically qualified sociopath before. My first priority is someone who is enthusiastic and friendly and is in the ballpark with the skill set. A bad egg can cause a manger much more problems than an unqualified person – and is harder to get rid of. Based on the blog you should fly the outgoing friendly part- just don’t talk about wanking, (too much).

  22. I’ve never read this blog before…therefore have never commented. That would actually be quite careless of me, to comment before knowing what it all is about. But now I know…and so I comment. Though it appears I have no real point here. Sad.

  23. Kaz: I thought you gave up the steroids! Shame on you…

    Deborah: Ah, it’s working! Good to have you around. And thanks.

    flirty: I knew you’d like that.

    John: Thanks a million for that, I may take you up on it. Solipsism is the belief that you are the only thing that exists, and everything else is a product of your imagination. Or something like that. Sorta like The Matrix.

    Mairéad: Interesting. Well, I should be okay. I tend not to let my oddities show until I’ve been doing a job for at least a few months!

    John: Heh, cheers. I’ll do my best.

    Kara: Welcome along nonetheless. Don’t worry, I’m not sure what this is all about either, so we should get along grand.

  24. “Solipsism” is also the title of a foine buke by Henry Rollins.
    Great news on the job and I’m keeping all digits crossed for you.
    Oh..and yer man Kant was powerful into the auld solipsism too.

  25. Girth is such a horrid word, especially when in connection with the penis. It makes me think of leathery old German women, who are sharpening razor blades on a thick animal pelt.

    I’m sure there’s something than can be read into that, but in the meantime, I’m very pleased that your old mate is on the larger side.

    Good for you.

  26. Yous a jetsetter and shite now! Well done yaself.
    Good luck with the job. They’d be fools to offer to the other invisible person.

  27. Masturbation: Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I don’t see why you men bother; it seems like a lot of trouble to go to for just coming once. Put yer back in it, and try for 37, so you can beat my record.

    And I hope those fuckers are paying for your flight and accomodations, especially considering what you have to go through at the airports nowadays. Wear clean underwear, that’s what I have to say.

  28. A bit of paranoia is good for you Kav: the local Health Board held interviews last year for jobs that never existed. It helped that I had someone on the inside. I was going to go for that job.


  29. Devin: Cheers. I Kant understand what you’re on about, heheheheheheheheh.

    Marika: What rich imagery, I love it. And don’t believe everything you read on the internet. 🙂

    steph: Thanks, I agree completely. I’ll have to go postal if I don’t get it.

    FS: Holy jeebus , are you serious? That is unbelievable. Women are so lucky. Maybe that’s a trade-off for the whole childbirth thing.

    Dario: How the fuck can they get away with that? You should do a bit of investigative journalism and expose their asses! Well, not their asses, but the scam, maybe.

  30. Kav, I’m agreeing with John Mc – this stage usually is the personality test- will you fit in well in this team, what value-add do you bring? etc etc. We tech screen everyone to filter, but final hire on personality, especially contractors. No one wants to pay top dollar for someone who annoys the bejesus out of them.

    Do a whole zoominfo type web search on the company and impress them all with your observations. Best of luck

  31. Thanks EGW. Can you tell me, what on earth is zoominfo? Is it a search engine?

  32. Zoominfo is what us recruitin’ divils use to find leads within companies. They troll for company information via press releases, trade info etc etc. We use it to find hiring types within organization. It is a search engine with a paid subscription but you could do a good google search to the same end. Compile players names, revenue figures, challenges via news articles etc. Sometimes the person quoted in articles is the very person interviewing you and by research you know the hot button topic that warms or freezes the cockles of their heart.
    Another tip, no matter how ugly the child in the photo is on their desk say something nice.
    Bring a copy of your CV and an extra one for yourself. It can keep you focussed if for any reason you get rattled.
    What happens to the beard or the meeting of the sideburns for the interview?
    Shine your shoes, bring breathmints and last but not least, there is no such thing as wearing too much deodarant !
    Now I must get back to booking my own little flock here 🙂

  33. Thanks a million, I will take that on board and going forward will utilise that strategy as part of my synergy with those guys.

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