Ah, go on. Ya will ya will ya will etc

April 25, 2007 at 9:29 am | Posted in family, hot housewives eager to please, people will see me and cry, tingly lubricant | 29 Comments

I’m trying to go all Mrs Doyle on Linzi to convince her to do a quick blog post about the horror of living with me. Last night I realised that the way I portray myself on here is only how I like to imagine I am. Really, I’m a horrible bastard, and I thought the best way to highlight the difference between reality and my little fantasy blog would be a dose of hard talking from the woman who knows me best.

She’s reluctant to do it, but I’m trying to pressure her into doing it anyway. And please, no jokes about how that sounds just like my sex life.

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  1. Heh – Kav, that situation sounds just like your se… oh… damn.

    Once again you have me a-titter with the fucking tags you have for your posts!!
    Tingly lubricant — Heheheheheheheeeeee

  2. Don’t do it Linzi! Fight the power!

    And by power I mean “incessant whining”.

  3. This could be the end of a beautiful relationship!

  4. This I would like to hear!

  5. pinkie, I’m glad someone notices.

    Sweary, you and Linzi have a lot in common. You both take no shit from me whatsoever. It sickens me.

    Grandad: You may have competition for best blogging family at next year’s awards. Pah, what am I saying, you’re a shoe-in for that one.

    Annie: It’s more comments like that she needs. That’ll give her the kick in the arse necessary to make her do it.

  6. Hmm intriguing – this could end up like Big Brother… would we get to pick our favourite after a few weeks? Only kidding – would love to hear Linzi’s side.

  7. Sounds interesting – why don;’t you get her to read all the comments on this from people saying how they’d like to hear it?

    Or you could always try the fake-gun-up-the-jumper trick.

  8. Conor, I didn’t think of that. Crap, what if she steals all my readers?

    Dario: You have worked out my cunning plan, I see.

  9. Kav, you know as well as I that puttin gpressure on a woman to do something never works. You have to first make them think it was their idea!

  10. Sid: Well, she complains about me enough, all I’m asking her to do is write the complaints down…

  11. Sounds like a terrible idea. What if she sees my blog, for instance, and inevitably falls in love? You’re going to be angry at me, and that can’t happen. Also, what if she’s more popular than you, and steals all your readers after setting up a new blog? Come on Kav, think about the consequences.

  12. I don’t want anyone messing my image of you. I’ve got you pegged as a delight, why would I want to see hooves of clay? I have Twenty for that.

  13. Fuck kieran, I forgot about your irresistable prose. I’m going to have to ban your site from my home PC. It’s the only way. Expect your readership to halve. I’m sorry.

    FMC: Aaaah, you’re too nice. I’m glad now I have a special part for you in my blovel.

  14. But if she did a list – would it end.

    She could be writing a list down for years then when she’s old and grey realise she’d written an important tome and sell it on e-bay for 50 squillion euros

    She’d leave you, buy a sports merc and run off with the gardener leaving you old and bitter (which is what she’d feared and written about in Part 2 of her epic)

  15. I think she wants to save her side of the story for The Sun newspaper. Y’know after you go global Kav and get syndicated and start living the celebrity blogger lifestyle.
    I can see the headlines now:

    “Kav : My drug hell”

    “Kav shocker ! He really is a prick – Linzi”

  16. We should all do that – get our significant others to do one, in-depth post about what their blogger partner is like in real life. That would beat the odd habits memes hands down!

  17. Pandoras box son, wouldn’t do it. There is enough grief in life without inviting it in for a cuppa yourself.

  18. Exactly what type of pressure tactics are you applying?

  19. Ah sure how could she complain about you, you loveable, charming lubricated wee Galwegian you?

  20. Do it, Linzi! Kav, I’m sure you’re not a horrible bastard, but I’d like to know what you may have inadvertently left out.

  21. sid: Such is life. Isn’t that how all marriages end?

    derfen: As long as I’m getting paid well for it, this sounds acceptable.

    laurenen: Definitely. I’ll be severly editing it though, mark my words.

    manuel: But it’ll be comedy gold! Hmmm, perhaps not.

    MJ: Firm, yet gentle, steady rhythmic circular motions on her –

    Hang on, was I talking out loud?

    Pinkie: Clearly you haven’t tried living with me. I annoy myself sometimes.

    Melissa: What I’ve left out? I suspect farts, burps, scratching, picking and swearing will feature highly on the list.

  22. Stop acting the bollix, ya stupid Paddy.

  23. Don’t mind her, Kav. You persuade her to do it. It’ll be great. Better than an Amstel ad.

  24. Will she do a 100 things about you list that you wouldn’t have told us. Given the openness of your list as is, I’m guessing there must be some very dodgy skeletons in the closet 🙂

  25. Linzi: Shut up and get back to the ironing.

    Sneezy: Yes. I will just threaten her with no sex for a week. That should do it.

    John: If she did that, I fear we’d both end up in jail.

  26. That sounds like a BRILLIANT idea. Bring on the objective third party, I say, and get the truth out there. The public have a right to know!

  27. They say that by the time the hunter sees the tiger the tiger has seen the hunter a hundred times.
    She’ll get around savaging you alive in her own time kav.

  28. I think I’m on the right page now, he said, and now you know I don’t pay attention to what others say or “I might end up on the same page as everyone else”, ha!. Or a simple twist of fate.
    Since you asked me to elaborate: Basically I’m talking about projection. We have an idea of our selves form the mirror (so to speak)of what we are in life´: a doctor, a writer, a funny guy, whatever, (I can hear you say: a bollix) and that too if you like. We play that role / become that role and play away to gallery. If you’re a funny guy people expect you to be that and you believe you really are a natural as they say; this is the real you.
    Then, it follows rule-of-thumb: what you dislike, sometimes even hate in others is a glimpse of the real you. We project both ways and the projection is in reverse: we are who we dislike and are not who we like. Bitds of a feather flock together. As clear as mud or? Cheers Y:-) Paddy

  29. Cheers Marika, that’s exactly the kind of positive reinforcement I’m looking for in my engagement paradigm. I’ll max the envelope with her for sure.

    Devin: Wise words my friend. By the way, I’ll reply to you later on that other thing. Erin was in the hospital last night – didn’t get around to it.

    paddy: You’re a clever fecker aren’t you? Well put, and not something I had really considered before. That’s why I love blogging, it’s education by osmosis.


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