Ker-ploooowwwwwww

May 28, 2007 at 12:13 pm | Posted in blog cold turkey, fun at work, jobs | 37 Comments

Last week of work. Sniffle. You’re welcome to join me for pints this coming Friday, if you’re around the south side of Glasgow. I’ll be the one with the eyes looking in two different directions being carried by my irritated colleagues.

You know how on tv you always see people walking out of work for the last time with a cardboard box with their personal items in it? I’ve always wondered what was in those boxes, and today I got to find out. It’s stuff from your desk, you see. Pictures and all that. Imagine that.

After clearing everything away, my desk looks barren and sterile, like –

No, I can’t do it. I was going to make a joke about someone’s womb there, but I can’t bring myself to. There’s a line.

Fuck lads, it’s all happening. I read, but was too tied up in things to respond to, all your comments over the weekend. You lot crack me up. You should go and read them, because in this I have nothing.

I’m not one for the drama of “Look at me, I’m giving up blogging”, but I do feel a bit pissed off that as of next week when I start the new job, I’m going to have to seriously curtail things around here. I don’t know how often I’ll be able to post, and as for commenting on other blogs, shite, who knows.

I have a small boat, with a little outboard engine. The little outboard engine has a 5-gallon petrol tank. The petrol tank has a pressure valve. You have to periodically open the valve to prevent the build-up of petrol vapours so that the tank doesn’t explode in a raging fireball that kills you and your whole family.

Yes, yes, this blog is my pressure valve. Bet you didn’t see that coming. What I’m saying though, is if I can’t post, I might explode like a raging fireball and kill myself and my whole family.

I told you I wasn’t one for drama.

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  1. I have discovered this weekend that not one but two of my lady friends are carrying pre production-humans and subsequently are all glowing and happy and knocked up. I think you should make all the barren jokes you can.
    Eeee though, are you a bit nervous about the new job?

  2. Best of luck in the new job! Don’t worry, you’ll still manage to fit in the odd bit of blogging too!

  3. I’ve always wondered what was in those boxes … stuff from your desk, you see. Pictures and all that.

    No it’s not. It’s all the stationary you can fit; the stuff from other peoples’ desks you always fancied; two bolts from your chair – just for a laugh; all the spare ethernet cables you could find; sachets of coffee from the canteen; anything marked ‘do not remove’.

  4. During the last week you’re really already gone to them, Kav. You get to be the gracious one, accepting well wishes while counting down the hours. Good luck on the new job.

  5. When i was leaving my last job i had organised everything to where i had a big box with “my stuff” and everything else went into two big plastic tubs, to be left at the office. Funny how i had a big box of “my stuff” because when i started working there 3 years before, all i brought with me was the clothes on my back.

    Primal Sneeze – Yes, have you seen the price of ethernet cables in stores, good thing my last job had plenty of “spares”.

  6. Trust me you’ll end up having nothing to do for the first month and will blog loads. Just make sure they don’t track your internet usage.

  7. Good luck with the new job!!!!

  8. EVERYONE IS WELCOME AT MY BLOG WHEN YOU’RE GONE….

    Bad taste? lmao

    Just kidding. Gonna miss ya, Kav. But it’ll all be worth it.

  9. Good luck with the new job.
    Please don’t be a stranger!

  10. Ah, just pop by when you can. There’ll always be a seat for you round our way.

    And I will come up for lager at some point this year as I’ll deffo be in Glasgow at some point.

    Deffo’s not used enough these days, not like when I was a kid.

  11. Kav, blog in your head at work; they can’t monitor that – yet. And then lash it all out at home through your fingers, when it doesn’t impinge on family. You’ll find your rhythm.

  12. FMC: Yeah, a bit nervous. What I’ve been hired to do is in a bad state, and they’ve euphemistically described my role as “challenging”, so I’m hoping I’ll be the right person for the job. I was so caught up in all the other stuff I’d kind of forgotten about the main part of the job, ie the work itself. Now it’s looming, I’m shitting it.
    ~
    Caro, thanks. I hope I will, but unless I write every day I get whatever the typing equivalent of a stammer is.
    ~
    Sneezy: Well, yes, I didn’t mention that, but I also nabbed a couple of books worth a fortune that will be extremely useful to me. A couple of USB cables, a batch of post-it, and most everything that wasn’t nailed down got fired into that box. Then I put a few bits of paper on top to make it look legit, and walked out. Yee-haw.
    ~
    Medbh: Yeah, I’m doing nothing this week. I sent out my “I’m leaving and so let’s get pissed on Friday” email today and have already had a few people coming up to me. It’s nice, but I still know I’m doing the right thing getting out.
    ~
    Derfen: You should’ve seen me lugging the cardboard box out of here earlier. I was trying to carry it like it was light, but really it was weighed down with piles of useful crap. Score.
    ~
    flirty: Yeah, their IT infrastructures fairly archaic, so I don’t think they’ll be too hot on locking down the PCs. I’m hoping this’ll work to my advantage.
    ~
    Debbie, thanks.
    ~
    Blarneyman: Jeez, you’re like the young trophy wife asking about the will at the funeral! Heh. Yeah, I hope it’ll be worth it.
    ~
    Ellie: Thanks. I’ll do my best.
    ~
    badgerdaddy: Cheers. Yeah, I’d be up for that. BY the way, Linzi enjoys your blog and thinks you seem nice. Consider it an honour, because she doesn’t “get” blogging at all, and only reads a handful besides this one.
    ~
    Eolaí: Good idea. If I have time, I will. It’s all about rhythm, isn’t it?

  13. Exciting times ahead – I’m sure after a while you’ll settle into a new routine and will find space for your blogger valve. Here’s wishing you lots of luck with the new job!

  14. Do you work with computers or is it just that you have a computer to do your work? If you see what I mean…

  15. You’ll have to post or people from several continents are going to be contacting the authorities to find out what happened to your family.

    I have a few of those boxes now. The weird thing is that I’ve never needed anything from any of them. They’re like museum pieces of a former life.

  16. and here it is i’ve just started reading you… 🙂 enjoy the transition becasue soon enough the real work will start…it’s such a love/hate thing with new gigs…damn, i’m sure the downer today, but i digress…good luck, god speed and don’t leave a phone number where your current employers can find you after you leave…trust me on this one key thing 😉

  17. Yay me!

    I just remembered a leaving thing – company I worked for went bust a few years back putting 80 or so on the dole. One guy decided he was owed, as he had only been there a month and had relocated for the job, so he stole a beanbag kinda cushion.

    And had removed the guts from a top-end Mac and stashed it in the beans.

    He probably would have made it if he’d been a bit stronger.

  18. Good luck, Kav!

  19. I think there’s always that fear when starting a new job that it will take over your life, but things balance out once you find your feet.
    Good luck with the job – you’ll kick arse.

  20. You lucky bastard. I never had a cardboard box. Just a little freezer bag. 😦

  21. conor: Thanks very much. I’ll probably do like Eolaí suggested at the beginning and jot down ideas at work and blog them later at home.
    ~
    Twenty: Well, both. I’d say I use a PC >75% of the time. And my job – put it this way, two of the word in my new job title are “Senior” and “Computer”, so I think they want me to do something with their computers, though I don’t really know what yet. I won’t tell you the last word in the job title for fear of my cover being blown.
    ~
    Sassy: I just used an old photcopier paper box. Very professional. Did the job of smuggling out the illicit materials very well too. Thanks for that book info by the way, I’ll have a gawk at them.
    ~
    savannah: Well mind and stick around – I won’t be blogging as often, but it’s a drug to me. I won’t be able to stop any time soon. I’m screwed for the phone number thing though – my boss is also kind of a mate, so he has my mobile number. Shite.
    ~
    badgerdaddy: What, did he get caught staggering under the weight of it? Heh.
    ~
    slim: Thank you my fren.
    ~
    GG: Yeah, I’ve got a bit of oul trepidation that I’ve got some big sweaty shoes to fill. I’m sure it’ll pass. And thanks.
    ~
    sam: Did it contain several thousand dollars in cash? Cos if it did, you win.

  22. Oh lord, don’t stop now, just after I’ve started reading your blog! Good luck with the new job. I’ll wait patiently for your posts, Kav. Cheers.

  23. part timer.

    Only joking, best of luck n all that. Hey if you cant blog just go and shout at a waiter. Thats what most cunts do to release the pressure .Am I calling you a cunt? Don’t think so. I’m not, definetly not. Carry on.

  24. Do ya like yer kneecaps lad? if you ever give up blogging Billy one Ear will be round to speak to them. Having said that well done on yer knew job as ‘senior computer duster and cleaner.’

  25. Noooooo…. I need you!!! 🙂 lol

    Best wishes hon; we’ll still come look ya up…

    *hugs*

  26. Write when you can, please! Infrequent or not, I’m already looking forward to the posts. Best of luck at the new job.

  27. Damn. Last week’s seat sale was to Glasgow but this week’s is Manchester.

    I’ll toast in your general direction nonetheless.

  28. Annie: Thanks. Definitely won’t be stopping, just have no idea how much I’ll be around.
    ~
    manuel: Well, we’re going out for dinner to celebrate Linzi’s mother’s 70th this evening, so I’ll be sure to be as big a bastard as possible to whoever’s waiting on us.
    ~
    knudsen: Thanks, I get my own rag you know. Don’t fret, I’ll still bang out the odd bit of drivel.
    ~
    Miss B: Cheers, fingers crossed. Also, I’m available for consultancy for a reasonable fee.
    ~
    Melissa: Thank you, will do my best.
    ~
    MJ: Over here, a toast involves sending money. Didn’t you know that?

  29. Hope you brought the stationery and left the stationary. Good luck with the new position, though anal.yst has always sounded an uncomfortable postion to me.

  30. Well, I’ve spent the last two years as an anal.yst, so I’m well used to it now. Thankfully the new job is a slight step up though.

  31. Oh great, so you get to ride the anal.ysts? Better to give than receive I suppose! 🙂

  32. Yeah, it’s my first position of power, so I’ll have to make sure I’m well-greased.

  33. OH. The whole blog has changed its haircolour. How come?

  34. Just tinkering about, Blarneyman. It was an accident, and then I thought, feck it, a change will be okay.

  35. Don’t let the good die young!!! Take this blog to your new manijer and tell him or her that it would be a travesty for it to discontinue and that you should, in fact, be paid extra for its creation. Where there’s a Kav, there’s a way.

  36. I found that skivving off with stuff bit by bit worked very well . I called it the Shawshank approach
    I am looking forward to the fodder for blog that that the new job will provide

  37. K8: Heh, if I showed them this blog at work it’d be a ticket to the dole office. I say curses you know!

    EGW: Good name for it. That’s how I started in here too. Careful at first, now I spend most of my day messing about.


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